Most of what we call “behavior” is not the real issue. It’s a message. A signal. A child trying to find safety when the bond feels a little shaky. Counterwill, resistance, “acting out”… none of it means a child is being manipulative or difficult. It simply means: “I feel pushed, pulled, overpowered… and I don’t know how to anchor myself.” As Dr. Neufeld explains, the behavior is just the smoke — the fire is always in the attachment. When the relationship feels strong, warm, and steady, the nervo